4.6.26
I saw the Drama tonight. First, it made me cry, and then it left me with a reminder. Seldom does forgiveness come. I want to be forgiven so desperately. Every dream of mine lately is about forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't come in those dreams, though. I haven't found forgiveness in my waking hours, so it doesn't surprise me that I can't find it in rest either. I know I am worthy of forgiveness, but still it won't come. How can you know if a ghost has forgiven you? Those who still fill the white wall of my life tend to be people whom I've yet needed forgiveness from. I fantasize about being forgiven by those who simply want nothing to do with me. I wonder if this is what prison feels like? Every day is the same. Every night I have the same dream. I wake up farther from the life I once knew. Now I eat the same tray for dinner every day too. I can't help but think I deserve it. I am not worth forgiveness. There has to be something wrong with me that I can't see. Why else would they give me the tracking number that doesn't lead to an arrival date? Even in fantasy, forgiveness doesn't come to those that dont deserve it.
4.7.26
I’ve been listening to songs in the key of life a lot lately. It feels like the first time I've ever really heard what he's saying. I can't believe this album came out in 1976. It sounds so good. That’s not the part that's so striking to me. It’s Stevie Wonder at the height of his powers, of course, it sounds good. I can't seem to get over the way that his words strikes me in my soul. Who is he talking to in these songs? These songs make me think about Stevie Wonder as a person for the first time. Who is that guy? When I hear him say, “Do you know that you are loved by somebody?” I find myself wiping away tears. There's a way in which he says those words that gives me goosebumps. Who is he talking to when he says that? I react like it's me every time I hear it. It’s like he knows how easily I forget that. It’s almost like he's lifting those sunglasses and looking me in the eyes and telling me that he loves me. Maybe he does love me as I love him. I guess I still haven't figured out how to understand what that feels like on my own. I need him. I need to be constantly reminded that I am loved by somebody, or I’ll forget. I need songs in the key of life.
- YOU DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE THE BAND "GEESE™": I thought this essay said everything that people have made me feel crazier for saying.
- You don't look cool looking at your phone: This article has sent be back running for my flip phone. The last thing I want is for you to see me looking at my phone
- im not your man by Junior Mesa: I love this song and it feels so important to the future of music.
